Musings from Students of the Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies in Jerusalem
Posted on April 10, 2012 by David Bogomolny
The ‘desire’ exercise was, at first, relatively comfortable, illuminating and affirming for me. I came to the conclusion that my ‘deepest’ desire to be accepted as myself (both by myself and by others). Having thought about this further, I think this desire ties into a defining feeling I live with, which I call ‘existential loneliness’ – the relationship between my ‘desire for acceptance’ and my ‘existential loneliness’ seems to be somewhat chicken/ egg… I’m not sure which underlies the other (or whether one does at all).
For me, the affirming component of this exercise was that I came to the realization that (as of now) I feel that there isn’t much more I could be doing with my life towards achieving self acceptance (and along with it, acceptance from others).
However, this exercise has since made me consider much of life and the universe in the context of ‘being accepted’, and insecurities of mine have been surfacing in my mind, challenging me to maintain an even keel. Sometimes knowing/ feeling that I’m doing the best I can isn’t comforting.
