Posted on January 11, 2013 by Shoshana Rosen
Posted yesterday on my blog:
I should be cleaning my room, but this is more fun.
In case you don’t know, it is snowing currently in jerusalem. After almost 4 days of non stop cold rain storm, it finally started to snow. For a country who when war breaks out, life continues, but snow, watch out the country freaks out, and everyone run around like a chicken without its head on (so not kosher)
Every time is snows, I always think about the story, “the dead” by James Joyce that I read in high school. In fact, when I read it in high school I don’t think I understood it at all. But ever since, when I see snow falling, I think of the last line of the story,
“His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.”
The idea of having people who are alive, but really walking around like zombies, And not really living have always stuck with me. I think about that as the snow covers Jerusalem, am I really living life to my full potential?
Pardes was canceled today so after waking up leisurely and making some French toast, I take to the cold streets realizing I am not dressed properly, no gloves and no real winter jacked (my rain jacket and some layers will have to do) I walked around, watching the couples hold hands, the kids throw snowballs, and I have never seen more cameras out in my life.
Jerusalem became magical again.
After walking the slippery streets (thank gd I didn’t fall!) and bumping into many people! (it seems that once the beit midrash is closed, pardes student head to the kotel!) It felt like all of jerusalem everyone was out enjoying the snow! Bumped into some friends, and had lunch overlooking the old city, and had the best eggplant parmesan ever! (don’t worry, I also had a cappicino!)
By the time I walked home, most of the snow turned to slush and water, and I am reminded how quickly things change. As I treaded through the snow i thought about how much pressure I have put on my self to know what im doing with my future. To have it ‘all figured out’ but I realized that It is a fallacy to at the age of 22 to know exactly what you want to be doing with your life. I have always been considered to be an old soul, with everyone I have ever met thinking I am much older then I actually am. But for the first time, I am trying to really embrace my age, and embrace the chaos and the unknown. I am giving my self permission, to not have it all figured out by the end of jaunary or feburary, maybe I can ever do another year just for me… doing all the things I have always fantasied about doing, like living on a kibbutz.
I bump into you
But only from a distance
Across the street
I smile, wave back
And continue walking
One foot in front of the other
Knowing that it is for the best
But feeling the best isn’t good
How does a city that has been under attack
Manage to still stand
Broken and damaged
But still here
Sometimes I can
If I close my eyes I can still feel your hand on my check
Your hand of the knob
Using all your strength to open the door
To let me go
And with that, tomorrow im heading gd willing to my old stopping ground, Tel Aviv.