Irony’s Revenge: The Post-Modern Shidduch Date

Jewish Dating Tips #1: If we call ourselves single, we make ourselves lonely—A single is a person shipwrecked on an island. Adam HaRishon, the first man was single. Nobody else has been single since. When you feel alone and single, make your life more meaningful. Start appreciating those around you. Use the most precious gift an unmarried person has – your free time – to help others.

Black yarmulke? Check. White shirt? Check. Black pants? Check. Black Shabbos shoes? Check. Tzitzit out? Check. Sense of self?….As I walk down my street, telling a lie with each footstep, I feel the stares and the subtle resentment of each passerby as they rightfully judge me as something I’m not. I never thought of t-shirts, jean shorts, colorful knitted kippas, and tiztizit, as a statement of who I am before, but in this moment, I long to be me again. Or at least to get to my “date”’s house sooner where they get it.

When I arrive, she’s in the bathroom putting the finishing touches on her costume. From the back, I can already see the difference. The vivacious girl known for wearing clothing so loud that if it actually covered more of her body, everyone within a 10-yard radius would be in danger of becoming blind and deaf, has transformed herself into Frumma Blahstein for our “date.”

“Call me Shua,” I say, arms behind my back and avoiding her gaze as though making eye-contact were signing a ketuba kesuba.

“I’m Nomi,” she says, doing the same (I guess). “Laura, take our picture! Derek, let’s make this as awkward as possible!”

“It’s Shua, and that won’t be hard,” I say. We settle on a position on either side of a plant and look anywhere but at each other. “This is going to be so much fun!” we say, almost in unison.

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Bound. because I Want to.

I’m leaving for Israel and my father hands me two bags. “Take these with you. The furrier, Shlomo, your great grandmother’s brother-in-law, left them to me. Find out if it’s meaningful for you.”

The first is black felt, light to the touch, with a golden Magen David embroidered in cord on its front. The Tallit inside is thin, composed of silky white fabric that is shifting towards an aged grey. Blue stripes run along its slender frame while an intricate latticework of linen falls away from the edges only to tangle up with the Tzitzit at the corners. It’s German Reform, classic and beautiful. So light I barely feel its weight when I try it on. So thin and delicate it barely covers my shoulders. It’s not my first Tallit.

The second bag is old and mustard yellow, fine prismatic threading has frayed across its front where it spells out the words “Tefillin” in Hebrew. The Tefillin inside are old with paper caps atop the Shel, each heavy with lacquer. The leather is cracked and aromatic, the black stain no longer present along the edges. The two bags go into my duffel, right next to my other Tallit, but as I put them down one Tefillin fall out of their yellow bag. The paper top tips off and the shin of the Rosh stares up at me like blurred eye still heavy with sleep. I stare back. What do I do with you?


Why does a Reform Jew wrap T’fillin? Continue reading

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[PCJE Dvar Torah] Tongue Parmesan – by AdAm Mayer

lhI was sitting in the chadar ochel (dining hall) during lunch yesterday with a number of Pardes students, and Zvi Hirschfield turns around from the next table and decides to poll our small group: “Lashon Hara –an aveira [sin] or just good advice?” As to be expected from any gathering of Pardes students, there was a wide variety of answers and explanations.

[Lashon hara is spreading gossip, talking about
people who are not present, spreading the feathers 
from the pillow – as the story goes- etc.]

Of course everyone seemed to know that it was (more or less) something to avoid, but to what lengths will I go to avoid it? Continue reading

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Love and a Pigeon

From my blog:

Ten Characteristics of a Good Pigeon Handler:

  1. The pigeon handler is moderate in his disposition. A reckless pigeon handler frightens the pigeons.
  2. The pigeon handler is loyal and responsible and carries out his tasks in an orderly and punctual fashion.
  3. 0The pigeon handler is kindhearted and cares for each and every pigeon.
  4. The pigeon handler is patient and devoted.
  5. The pigeon handler is tidy and attentive to cleanliness.
  6. The pigeon handler is strong-willed and maintains discipline over the pigeons.
  7. The pigeon handler is sensitive in observing and discerning the character and condition of each and every pigeon.
  8. The pigeon handler is industrious. There is always work to be done in the pigeon loft.
  9. The pigeon handler is considerate of others. Continue reading
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[PCJE Dvar Torah] Tzav: The Burnt Offering by Joseph Shamash

In last week’s Parsha, the first 5 Chapters of the book of Vayikra described the variety of sacrificial practices that were addressed to the Children of Israel (Burnt, Flour, Peace, Sin and Guilt Offerings). This week, in parshat Tzav we continue with more details and regulations that are directed to the priests, namely Aaron and his sons but in a slightly different order (Burnt, Flour, Sin, Guilt, Peace). Peace falls two spots from 3rd to last place!

burnt offeringFor our purposes, we’re gonna focus on the first sacrifice, the Olah (burnt-offering):

“And God spoke to Moshe saying, Command Aaron and his sons saying: This is the law of the olah; it is the olah which shall burn upon the altar all night until the morning, and the fire of the altar shall burn in it. And the kohen shall wear his linen garment, and he shall wear linen trousers upon his flesh, and he shall take up the ashes which the fire has consumed with the olah upon the altar, and he shall place them beside the altar. And he shall remove his garments and wear other garments, and he shall remove the ashes outside of the camp, to a place that is pure. And the fire upon the altar shall Continue reading

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A Jewish Day of Constructive Conflict

On the 9th of Adar, the Pardes Center for Judaism and Conflict Resolution (PCJCR) sponsored its first annual Jewish Day of Constructive Conflict. According to the Shulchan Aruch, this was the day that the arguments of Bet Hillel and Bet Shammai deteriorated from a respectful difference of opinion into violence. Rabbi Daniel Roth prepared sources for the day, which was observed in numerous venues around the globe.

624426100At Pardes, alumna Malka Landau (Kollel ’00-’02) facilitated a workshop in which the entire student body practiced skills of deep listening, asking open questions, and mirroring, essential elements in constructive dialogue. After the workshop, students broke into discussion groups where they had the opportunity to Continue reading

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‘Rodef Shalom’ Pilot Program for Hillel Professionals

Leah Kahn is a Campus Professional Fellow within The Pardes
Center for Judaism and Conflict Resolution, a current student
within the Pardes Center for Jewish Educators and former
Director of Engagement, University of Chicago Hillel from
2005-2011.

I know from firsthand experience that Hillel professionals are very busy managing multiple projects at once and don’t always have time to step back and think reflectively about the challenges they face at work. I created this Webinar to give them space and time to think about and improve their professional relationships. This ‘Rodef Shalom’ Program for Hillel professionals is currently a pilot project and we have 2 excellent professionals participating in this 4-part series. We are having very exciting and thoughtful conversations, and they are really enjoying combining classical Jewish texts with conflict resolution strategies.

PCJCR Campus Fellow and PCJE student in Experiential Education, Lea Kahn, facilitates an online training workshop for Hillel professionals.

Me facilitating an online training workshop for Hillel professionals.

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[PCJE Dvar Torah] Parshat Vayikra by Lauren Schuchart

In this week’s Torah portion, we move from the exciting and relatable narrative in the books of Bereshit (Genesis) and Shmot (Exodus), into the legalistic and methodical book of Vayikra (Leviticus).

saIn the first Torah portion, God tells Moses how the Children of Israel should go about establishing a holy community, a “kingdom of priests.” In doing so, it offends the modern sensibilities of many of us, explaining in vivid detail how the newly freed Jewish people should serve God through animal sacrifices:

“And Aaron’s sons, the priests, shall offer the blood, dashing the blood against all sides of the altar.” Gross.

“The burnt offering shall be flayed and cut up into sections.” Ugh.

“The priest shall bring it to the altar, pinch off its head, and turn it into smoke on the altar; and its blood shall be drained out against the side of the altar.” I can’t even. Stop.

Lucky for me (and my wishy-washy vegetarian ideals), the Jewish practice of animal sacrifice stopped at the destruction of the Second Temple (70 CE). So if animal sacrifices are no longer a part of religious devotion, what relevancy does this Torah portion have for us today? Continue reading

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British Q&A

Here is my presentation from the Pardes Purim spiel:

In the spirit of what we learnt about conflict resolution I am going to provide feedback on how I feel and relate to the Pardes community.

I will begin by outlining my expectations prior to coming here. I came to Pardes excited to learn with students from all different backgrounds. The website talks so much about celebrating diversity. So I was shocked to find myself in the position of fulfilling an ethnic minority quota. Apart from a few fellow foreigners you are all the same. BLOODY AMERICANS!!!!!!! I know we have Canadians, but to be honest I can’t tell the difference. You all have these strange accents.

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During my first few weeks here I was confused. People looked dazzled when I spoke, not being able to understand what I was saying. I found it helpful to talk LOUDLY, CLEARLY and SLOWLY using language similar to that of a small child. Not being able to understand my accent was okay. I know that your experience of British culture was limited to watching Downton Abbey. I think you had a hard time adjusting to a non-fictional real life Londoner. Continue reading

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A few thoughts about Constructive Conflict Day at Pardes

Yesterday at Pardes, during the Jewish Day of Constructive Conflict, after practicing three skills for constructive conflict in the Beit Midrash — deep listening, asking opening questions, and mirroring — we moved into small groups to see what would happen with these skills when we applied them to a live conversation, over a delicious lunch, guided by the following question:

What is your relationship with the various prayer communities at Pardes? How does this impact your relationship with the Pardes community as a whole?

I use this space to speak of the opening I experienced, not without some discomfort (I heard the cracking of my judgment shell), within myself as I was given the chance to hear other voices. Continue reading

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