Irony’s Revenge: The Post-Modern Shidduch Date

Jewish Dating Tips #1: If we call ourselves single, we make ourselves lonely—A single is a person shipwrecked on an island. Adam HaRishon, the first man was single. Nobody else has been single since. When you feel alone and single, make your life more meaningful. Start appreciating those around you. Use the most precious gift an unmarried person has – your free time – to help others.

Black yarmulke? Check. White shirt? Check. Black pants? Check. Black Shabbos shoes? Check. Tzitzit out? Check. Sense of self?….As I walk down my street, telling a lie with each footstep, I feel the stares and the subtle resentment of each passerby as they rightfully judge me as something I’m not. I never thought of t-shirts, jean shorts, colorful knitted kippas, and tiztizit, as a statement of who I am before, but in this moment, I long to be me again. Or at least to get to my “date”’s house sooner where they get it.

When I arrive, she’s in the bathroom putting the finishing touches on her costume. From the back, I can already see the difference. The vivacious girl known for wearing clothing so loud that if it actually covered more of her body, everyone within a 10-yard radius would be in danger of becoming blind and deaf, has transformed herself into Frumma Blahstein for our “date.”

“Call me Shua,” I say, arms behind my back and avoiding her gaze as though making eye-contact were signing a ketuba kesuba.

“I’m Nomi,” she says, doing the same (I guess). “Laura, take our picture! Derek, let’s make this as awkward as possible!”

“It’s Shua, and that won’t be hard,” I say. We settle on a position on either side of a plant and look anywhere but at each other. “This is going to be so much fun!” we say, almost in unison.

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Discovery at Pardes (a Fond Farewell)

Giving my farewell at Pardes last Thursday...  It's been an amazing 2 years.

Giving my farewell at Pardes
last Thursday…
It’s been an amazing 2 years.

Here is a written version of the davar I gave last Thursday:

This week we transition from the book for Vayikra to Bamidmar. the first event recorded here is a census taken of all mahane Yisrael (the camp of Israel). Even though the goal here is to know how many adult males are among B’nei Yisrael (children of Israel), individual tribal units are maintained in the counting, each tribe taking its own census. On top of this, each person is counted le-gulgilotam (by his head) – that is, as an individual.

In a drash by Rav Meir Kahn, he relates: “There is no evidence of a nation-wide melting pot creating a homogeneous entity, which suppresses any expression of non-conformity. Bnei Yisrael form a harmonious society, not a uniform one.”

I could not think of a better analogy for Mechon Pardes. Continue reading

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[Guest Post] Why (not) Pardes?

Melissa Gutierrez posted this at Redefining Rebbetzin...
Next year, she'll be a Fellow at Pardes, along with her
husband Dustin!

Pardes Logo – Post by Melissa

Since moving to Israel nearly nine months ago, I cannot count the number of times I have had the following conversation with people I meet once it has been established that I am learning at Nishmat….

NewPerson: And your husband? What is he doing this year?

Me: He is learning at Pardes.

NewPerson: Why aren’t you also at Pardes?

The answer is simultaneously incredibly simple and incredibly complex: Nishmat was the right fit for me for this year. I wrote about it when I first posted that I was coming here, so I won’t get into all those details again now. However, I have felt all year that I could have been just as happy at Pardes, and I would have grown just as much – though perhaps in slightly different ways and speeds.

On the surface level, the two institutions appear so very different from one another. Nishmat is an Orthodox women’s midrasha and Pardes is a pluralistic co-ed yeshiva. But realistically they are both serious places of learning with a diverse faculty and student body, where students learn Gemara, Tanach, and Jewish thought. Both are places where “young adults” take a year (or more) out of their lives in order to learn more Jewish text and explore Continue reading

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December 14, 2008 (I think)–The Day that Accidentally Changed my Life Forever

Never underestimate the impact of one good deed, on the doer at least as much as on the recipient.

I went on Birthright through Hillel in late December 2008. During one of our pre-Israel orientation sessions, they told us we would have the opportunity to pack suitcases filled with clothes, shoes, toys, etc.at the JCC something like the Sunday before our trip, which, from looking at calendars, I guess was probably December 14, to bring to kids in the children’s village in Karmiel, Pittsburgh’s sister city, during our day of community service.

I turned to my friend and asked if he was going. He wasn’t sure.

“If you go, I’ll go,” I told him. He said he’d see.

That Shabbat, he told me he was going. So I decided I would go too.

When I arrived at the JCC, I didn’t see him and considered turning back (I get immensely shy in new places where I don’t know anyone, and this goes triple for those places where you need to explain yourself over an intercom to get in), but then I thought of the mitzvah, took a deep breath, waited to catch the door after someone coming or going, then went in. I soon recognized some people, including my friend, in a room just to the right of the entrance stuffing suitcases with colorful clothes, toys, and, since these were for Israeli children, Crocs. I went in, said hi to my friend, found some stuff to stuff, and began stuffing it for tzedaka.

Shortly after I arrived, a woman came up and introduced herself as Tsipy, the Director of the Agency for Jewish Learning. I told her I was a student at Pitt. She asked me what I study. “Writing,” I said.

“Do you want an internship?” Continue reading

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Dear Marla and Ben:

lhDear Marla and Ben:

I feel connected to you even though I never knew you. The moment that you were killed was a powerful moment in my own personal narrative relating to Israel. I was scheduled to come to Israel for a semester of high school in the fall of 2002. All summer, I was worried about the situation in Israel. It wasn’t clear if the program I was going on was still going to run and people I knew were dropping out because they didn’t feel safe. After the bombing at Hebrew U, the program was officially cancelled. I was disappointed, but mostly very concerned for the sake of the State of Israel and all of the people living there. Luckily, it only postponed my journey to Israel by a semester and I was able to come on the spring term instead.

Last year I came to Pardes after working for three years at Hillel. I came for a lot of reasons, but the main one was that I wanted to invest in my own Jewish development. My long-term desire to work in Jewish communities was not a driving factor. I simply desired to learn Jewish texts. Continue reading

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Sderot, USA

On the Sunday of Chanukah, I went with the Social Justice class to Sderot. You really can’t appreciate what it’s like there until you experience it for yourself. For those who have only heard of Gaza, Sderot is a small working-class city in southern Israel in view of Gaza made up of mostly immigrants. For the past 12 years, it has been the recipient of literally 1,000′s of qassam rockets from Gaza. These incessant attacks were the primary motivating factors behind Operations Cast Lead and Pillar of Defense, which had just ended when we were there, meaning all was quiet for the time being (though according to the Sderot Media Center, Israel has received 19 rockets since the ceasefire was signed). Some of these rockets are kept on display outside the Sderot police station, so we were able to see some of them with our own eyes. Huge rusty bullets made of pipes and nails and power lines and other infrastructure for life Israel has invested in Gaza over the years so that Hamas can spit it back in its face as a tool of death.

Rockets that have fallen on Sderot

Fun Fact: Hamas‘ headquarters is in a bunker under an Israeli-built hospital.

When the siren goes off, Sderot residents have 15 seconds to seek shelter (by contrast, when the sirens went off in Jerusalem during Operation Pillar of Defense, we had a luxurious minute-and-a-half). Thankfully, shelter is not hard to come by in Sderot, since everything there, from bus stations to outdoor staircases, to strip malls, has a roof of reinforced concrete, and even those few areas that don’t have a roof of some sort have one at most a 50-yard-dash away. We saw a playground featuring a giant caterpillar play area that doubles as a bomb shelter.

When you hear about Sderot, it’s mostly as a talking-point, like then-Senator Obama’s statement during a visit there on the campaign trail in 2008 that, “Israelis must not suffer a threat to their lives, to their schools. If missiles were falling where my two daughters sleep, I would do everything in order to stop that.” But until you actually go there, it’s hard to remember that non-hypothetical, real-life daughters and sons really live there, people just like everyone else: The kind couple that run the Moroccan restaurant we ate at. The family that doesn’t use the top floor of their home since from there it takes too long to run to the shelter. All the stories of parents who have to decide which child they will grab and take to the bomb shelter in the 15 seconds they have and which they will leave behind. The mother keeping an eye on her children playing in the bomb shelter caterpillar while speaking with another mother doing the same, as we walked between them taking pictures, slack-jawed at their courage for not only living, but reproducing here, as though they had any other choice. This trip taught me that Sderot has cats in its dumpsters and Shufersals in its shopping centers just like every other city in Israel, and when the city’s denizens aren’t running for their lives, they too wince at the former on their way to the latter. It never ceases to amaze me what can become the status quo.

Less than a week later, the tragedy at Newtown happened and I learned that safety is all relative. Continue reading

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[PCJE Dvar Torah] A Woman’s Insight by David Bogomolny

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This week we are starting the sefer (book) of Shemot (Exodus), which literally means ‘names’. The weekly parasha is also called Shemot. I mention this because the first name that comes to my mind when I read this parasha is iy‘Isra Yaghoubi’ (Year ’08-’09, Fellows ’09-’10). She was my first Chumash havruta, and she left me with many clever Torah insights and lots of fond memories. This dvar Torah is l’zchutah (for her merit).

The section of Parshat Shemot that I’d like to focus on is at the beginning of Perek Bet (Chapter two) of Sefer Shemot:

א. וַיֵּלֶךְ אִישׁ, מִבֵּית לֵוִי; וַיִּקַּח, אֶת-בַּת-לֵוִי 1. And there went a man of the house of Levi, and took to wife a daughter of Levi.
ב. וַתַּהַר הָאִשָּׁה, וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן; וַתֵּרֶא אֹתוֹ כִּי-טוֹב הוּא, וַתִּצְפְּנֵהוּ שְׁלֹשָׁה יְרָחִים 2. And the woman conceived, and bore a son; and when she saw him that he was a goodly child, she hid him three months.
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Newton’s Third Law and the Jewish Question

Maybe it’s because I grew up feeling like one, or maybe it’s just some genetic Jewish thing, but for whatever reason, I’ve always sympathized with the outsider. When I went on the Tale of Three Cities tiyyul the two weeks ago, I didn’t know what to expect, except that we were going to meet three very different women—one Muslim, one Haredi, one a secular kibbutznik—on their home turfs, less than a mile away from each other in the foothills leading up to Jerusalem.

I don’t think you can understand something unless you understand its “opposite.” I put “opposite” in quotes here because the more “opposites” you encounter, the more you come to realize that opposites are defined more by their similarities than their differences: The opposite of “down” is “up” and not “lip balm” because “up” and “down” are essentially the same thing just going in different directions, and sometimes this difference is only a matter of subjective perspective, while others, such as when you’re drowning, you can’t even tell which is which. Put differently, in moments of crisis, sometimes subjective categories cease to exist altogether and along with them the whole concept of “opposites.”

Visiting a Hareidi woman at her home
in Telz Stone

Having defined my terms, I can now say that Continue reading

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MOVEMBER UPDATE: WEEK 2

My current ‘stache ranks somewhere between Grover’s perpetually disappointed customer Mr. Johnson and Gomez Addams:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SUPPORT THE CAUSE!!!

Conversation of the Movember so far:

MAN 1: I wish I could grow a mustache.

WOMAN 1: Just close your eyes and concentrate!

[they try it.]

MAN 1: I don’t think it’s working.

ME: That’s because you’re not doing it right. You have to close your eyes and think about Freddy Mercury.

[WOMAN 1 tries it]

WOMAN 1: Scary things happen when I do that..

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