Irony’s Revenge: The Post-Modern Shidduch Date

Jewish Dating Tips #1: If we call ourselves single, we make ourselves lonely—A single is a person shipwrecked on an island. Adam HaRishon, the first man was single. Nobody else has been single since. When you feel alone and single, make your life more meaningful. Start appreciating those around you. Use the most precious gift an unmarried person has – your free time – to help others.

Black yarmulke? Check. White shirt? Check. Black pants? Check. Black Shabbos shoes? Check. Tzitzit out? Check. Sense of self?….As I walk down my street, telling a lie with each footstep, I feel the stares and the subtle resentment of each passerby as they rightfully judge me as something I’m not. I never thought of t-shirts, jean shorts, colorful knitted kippas, and tiztizit, as a statement of who I am before, but in this moment, I long to be me again. Or at least to get to my “date”’s house sooner where they get it.

When I arrive, she’s in the bathroom putting the finishing touches on her costume. From the back, I can already see the difference. The vivacious girl known for wearing clothing so loud that if it actually covered more of her body, everyone within a 10-yard radius would be in danger of becoming blind and deaf, has transformed herself into Frumma Blahstein for our “date.”

“Call me Shua,” I say, arms behind my back and avoiding her gaze as though making eye-contact were signing a ketuba kesuba.

“I’m Nomi,” she says, doing the same (I guess). “Laura, take our picture! Derek, let’s make this as awkward as possible!”

“It’s Shua, and that won’t be hard,” I say. We settle on a position on either side of a plant and look anywhere but at each other. “This is going to be so much fun!” we say, almost in unison.

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I’m compact!

From my blog:

abg

i shaved this face and it was actually really difficult. electrical razor, you are not my friend.

Thanks to MASA Israel, I’ve had the chance to confirm for myself, in excruciating and extensive detail that Israel is a pretty small country. Like, really small. Usually we mean that the landmass of Israel is teeny (smaller if you, like me, are disinclined to include the west bank as Israel; but that’s a really troublesome issue so LET’S NOT GET BOGGED DOWN!); or that there is a very small populace.

The population of Israel is pretty small. With a population of 8.018 million as of last Tuesday (it’s only in Hebrew, sorry!), I hear a lot of stories about running into a friend of a friend anywhere. A college friend’s father served side-by-side with our Hebrew professor’s late brother, z”l.

But that’s not what I want to talk about! We’ll get to Israel, nation of bulbul, at a later date. Today, I want to just quickly tell the story of how I got an electric razor and a scale and a wicked discount.

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Pressure, Poetry, Potpourri

From my blog:

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I really need to write a blog post right now, but I must first overcome many obstacles.

The above statement has two parts. I should know what they’re called because I was an English major, but thankfully, I managed to receive my degree without taking a single grammar class. So, there might be an independent clause, a subordinate clause, a santa clause, or an insanity clause up there and I have no idea. In any case, in response to the first part of the statement, why do I need to write a blog post right now? Continue reading

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Mishna Brachot in Poetry

Presented at Night Seder on April 22:
Dustin and Melissa Gutierrez

Dustin and Melissa Gutierrez studying at Pardes Night Seder

Melissa and I decided it would be an interesting experience and test of our marriage to learn together, so for the past few months we’ve been having what we fondly call “Mishna Mondays” here at Pardes night seder. We started at the beginning with Brachot, which as you can imagine covers all sort of blessings – beginning with the shema, ending with blessings over food, and covering everything else in between. We finished about a month ago, just after the start of Adar, so it only made sense to have a bit of fun with Continue reading

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Jews in funny hats and leather straps.

From my blog:

The thing is, the apparatus of “traditional prayer” are sort of kinky.

The thing is, we’re ten men tying ourselves up in leather straps too early in the morning.

And we’re enshrouded in these huge sheets, and some people cover their heads and faces and it’s very anonymous even when I know who everyone is. Continue reading

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[Alumni Guest Post] Three Stories

Daniel Shibley (Yr. '11, Fellows '12) shares some anecdotes:

eOccasionally, I witness events that I think are funny, but I am unsure if others will find them humorous, this week witnesses three small incidents that I think most will find humorous. Enjoy:

  1. Early Sunday morning I was standing at the bus stop in Jerusalem, awaiting the arrival of the first of two buses that would take me back to yeshiva. Despite the early hour, the non-bus lanes were already clogged with traffic, and the lines at the red lights grew longer and longer. Suddenly an ambulance required immediate passage through the gridlocked lanes. Some drivers attempted Continue reading
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The Return

From  my blog:

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It’s back! It’s back! It’s back!
What’s back?

Oh, you know, that flattish device that clicks when you use it and lights up when you press a button and performs a number of menial tasks such as making writing legible and connecting an individual to the rest of the world…
Oh yes, I know what that is. A computer. I tend to use one on occasion.

Do you, now?
Almost every occasion, in fact. Come to think of it, I can’t think of an occasion when I wouldn’t use one.  Continue reading

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The Wise Son’s Response

Written during Avigayle Adler's workshop during Pardes' 
Night of Learning for Passover.

That’s nice, but–if I can ask this and still keep my teeth intact–what’s it for? The Halakha doesn’t answer my question. By the way, did you know afikomen is a Greek word? What’s up with that? Why do we end our seders with the taste of a Greek word lingering in our mouths?

Just because I’m smart, everyone thinks I want to sit down and learn Leviticus with them, but I don’t. When I asked my question, I wanted to know: What’s the historical evidence (עדות) of this Exodus? How do these completely different laws (חוקים) come out of this? Finally, where is the justice (משפט), how does/can this ritual bring משפט into my life, into the world?

I asked the same question as my brother, the only difference is I was polite about it. I wanted meaning and you gave me the ArtScroll. And you wonder why so many of our best and brightest are defecting!

Oh, while we’re speaking of the afikomen, I know where you hid it, it’s behind the couch against the window where it’s been every other year for the past 12 sederim. But it’s okay, I won’t tell The Tam.

 

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