Tag Archives: introspection

Quietly Back and Possibly Blue

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From my blog:

Forty-eight hours ago, I was in a different country. And no, I did not drive across the border from Mexico to Texas.

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During the past few weeks, I’ve done a lot of personal journaling, because a lot of what’s happened is just that – very personal. Consequently, less has ended up on the blog, but that is also a product of me being in a state of tightly-timed transition. I’ve been thinking, remembering, noting, and observing, but I haven’t had time or courage for true for reflection yet.

One thing I’ve noticed is that, in the day-and-a-half since I’ve been back, I’ve been in a bit of a shell. I texted my closest friends as soon as I reached JFK, but have been inconsistently answering their texts in the hours since. I’ve told a lot of people that I want to see them, but haven’t set many dates or times yet. I’ve resisted Continue reading →

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To Feel – To Know

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Here is the reflection I shared at Community Lunch last week-

One of the many things that I tell people when discussing Pardes is that I wanted to study here before I ever knew that Pardes existed.

As a college student I started wearing a kippah publicly before I had any idea what halakha was – I didn’t know about keeping Shabbat or kashrut, or much at all about traditionally observant Jewish life – I simply wanted to express my Jewishness.

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This led me to meet Orthodox Jews for the first time, and I began to adopt Jewish traditions in my life, as I learned of them – I began to keep Shabbat and Kashrut, and I began to wear tzitzit. But after a couple of years, I found myself questioning why I had incorporated these mitzvot into my life – were they meaningful to me personally, or had I come to adopt the lifestyle Continue reading →

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Shining Bright

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“למען ציון לא אחשה ולמען ירושלם לא אשקוט עד יצא כנגה צדקה וישועתה כלפיד יבער”

For Zion’s sake will I not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not rest, until her righteousness goes forth like radiance, and her salvation like a burning torch. (Isaiah 62:1)

bbThis semester in Yaffa Epstein’s Bekiut Talmud class we studied the 16th perek of Masechet Shabbat, titled “כל כתבי” (All of the writings). The perek focuses on what you can save from a fire on Shabbat—including holy writings (such as a Sefer Torah) and food for the Shabbat meals. The discourse in the chapter encompasses the meaning of holiness in relation to texts, Shabbat, and community.

Following a lengthy discussion of Oneg Shabbat (the joyful essence of Shabbat) and all of the actions associated with the special day—including preparation (Hachana), welcoming (Kabbalat Shabbat), eating (Seuda), and even escorting (Melava Malka)—the Gemara brings up the topic of what you are NOT supposed to do: desecration (Chillul Shabbat). This then launches into Continue reading →

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My Modern Jewish Thoughts

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From my blog:

The most challenging course I am taking at Pardes is called “Critical Issues in Modern Jewish Thought.” There is no Hebrew involved. There is no Aramaic. I don’t even have to memorize birth and death dates of famous Jewish thinkers. What I do have to do, however, is think for myself. And it’s hard.

Cynthia Ozick, American-Jewish author and essayist

Cynthia Ozick, American-Jewish author and essayist

During each session, we alternate between group discussion and silent reading. We read philosophers such as A.J. Heschel, Mordechai Kaplan, Rav Soloveitchik, Chief Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, and Cynthia Ozick. We covered topics such as the nature of God, the authorship of the Torah, the authority of Halahkah, and post-Holocaust theology. At the end of each unit, a few students volunteer to give a presentation: as a class, we generate a series of questions that the presenting students have to answer. Next week, I will be presenting on the topic of Feminism in Judaism. Today, while preparing to speak about this topic, I found myself spending many thoughts and minutes on each sentence; this is a tough issue that I care about greatly. It inspired a good deal of personal reflection, and Continue reading →

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[Alumni Guest Post] Developing Myself

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Robyn (Year '08, PEP '10) is a third-year teacher.
She teaches High School Judaics at the Emory/Wiener School
in Houston, where she will continue in the fall.

EWSbcf436My name is Robyn Miller. Typically, May is not a good time to ask me about my life as a teacher. I’m about to finish my third year of teaching, although in many ways it’s been like my first (as I moved from elementary to high school teaching after year two). In May of my second “first year” of teaching, my primary goal is to make it to the finish line without permanently scarring anybody. However, with three weeks left to completing my Pardes commitment, it’s a great time to reflect on my experience as I start to think about what’s next.

Three years ago, I was terrified to have my own classroom. I didn’t feel I had the stamina or the knowledge to produce a year’s worth of lessons. Still, I had a commitment to fulfill, so I had to make the best of it. There were a few things I knew for sure: 1. Absolutely no middle school, 2. High school would be a heck of a lot of work, and 3. I wanted to live somewhere warm. So I started Continue reading →

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[Pardes from Jerusalem Podcast] Naso 5773: The Nazirite

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Pardes 1000xThis week, Rabbi Alex Israel discusses Parashat Naso in “The Nazirite.”

Naso ’73

Shabbat shalom!

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[Alumni Guest Post] Ready!

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Sarah Margles (Year '02, PEP '04) reflects upon preparing
for Shavuot... what does "readiness" mean?

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I remember when I first started at Pardes, I would spend much of Fridays getting ready for Shabbat – shopping, cooking, cleaning. When the siren went to light candles, my roommate would inevitably yell out, while running from the bathroom in a towel, “But I’m not ready!!” When we speak of Jewish holidays, we often say things like, “The holidays are so early this year,” or “I love it when Pesach is late.” There is something about readiness that seems integral to our Jewish experience.

Shavuot has a lot to teach about readiness. In Shmot 19:11, as the people are getting ready to receive Torah, God tells Moses to tell the people to go prepare for God will arrive on the third day. But Continue reading →

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Okay, so setting goals isn’t my strong suit…

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From my blog:

Previously, on Lost in Jerusalem, I made the grand pronouncement that I was setting for myself no less than three goals in an attempt to be healthier, happier, and perhaps something more of a writer than a poser who talks about how nice it would be if I were a writer. If you tuned into that episode, you’ll recall that I was going to read a book a week, run every other day, and publish a blog post by the end of said week, whether I had anything worth saying or not (and if I didn’t have anything worth saying, I’d make up for it by providing my hapless readers with a gripping book report on whatever novel I had decided to read that week). Well, it’s more than one week later, and I can report with certainty that I’ve already Continue reading →

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[Alumni Guest Post] How is Kaddish related to mourning?

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Chanan Kessler (Year 1985-86) shares 
the following reflection with us in 
his mother's memory. Chanan is a NYC 
school teacher, and lives in The 
Bronx.

During the year that I recited the Kaddish after the death of my beloved mother, Hinda Yael bat Yosef v’Chaya, may her memory always be with us, I asked myself many questions. What was the purpose of saying Kaddish? For whom was I saying Kaddish (myself or my mother)? How was Kaddish related to mourning? In her honor and to help process my thoughts and feelings, I kept a blog in which I mused about these and other questions.

Nothing in life prepares you for mourning the loss of a parent. The idea that the person who gave you life is no longer in the world is incomprehensible. I had nineteen months after my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer to get used to the idea, and I understood that I’d soon be a mourner. But there is an existential divide between the “regular” world and the one occupied by mourners.

Becoming a mourner and living without my mother was and continues to be uncharted emotional territory. One of my mother’s many life messages was to strive continuously for Continue reading →

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Ghosts in the night

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Tonight is the night.

 

No, I am not OK.

No, you can not help.

No, you do not understand.

No, I am not alone.

 

Tonight is the night I dread all year. All the ghosts that have been pushed into the shadows (with the exception of the occasional visit) come out. Tonight is their night. Tonight I am the visitor, the intruder. Tonight they will shove me another drink, just to keep me quiet, while they sit around and reminisce. Tonight I will stand, along with every Israeli and Jew in the world, and remember the brave men and women who died for this country, as well as the men, women and children who were massacred in terror attacks over the years. Tonight is the eve of the Day of Remembrance for Israeli Fallen Soldiers and Victims of Terrorism. Continue reading →

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