Irony’s Revenge: The Post-Modern Shidduch Date

Jewish Dating Tips #1: If we call ourselves single, we make ourselves lonely—A single is a person shipwrecked on an island. Adam HaRishon, the first man was single. Nobody else has been single since. When you feel alone and single, make your life more meaningful. Start appreciating those around you. Use the most precious gift an unmarried person has – your free time – to help others.

Black yarmulke? Check. White shirt? Check. Black pants? Check. Black Shabbos shoes? Check. Tzitzit out? Check. Sense of self?….As I walk down my street, telling a lie with each footstep, I feel the stares and the subtle resentment of each passerby as they rightfully judge me as something I’m not. I never thought of t-shirts, jean shorts, colorful knitted kippas, and tiztizit, as a statement of who I am before, but in this moment, I long to be me again. Or at least to get to my “date”’s house sooner where they get it.

When I arrive, she’s in the bathroom putting the finishing touches on her costume. From the back, I can already see the difference. The vivacious girl known for wearing clothing so loud that if it actually covered more of her body, everyone within a 10-yard radius would be in danger of becoming blind and deaf, has transformed herself into Frumma Blahstein for our “date.”

“Call me Shua,” I say, arms behind my back and avoiding her gaze as though making eye-contact were signing a ketuba kesuba.

“I’m Nomi,” she said, doing the same (I guess). “Laura, take our picture!” she says. “Derek, let’s make this as awkward as possible!”

“It’s Shua, and that won’t be hard,” I say. We settle on a position on either side of a plant and look anywhere but at each other. “This is going to be so much fun!” we say, almost in unison.

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Why I am Making Aliyah

April 15th, 2013

It’s Erev Yom HaAtzma’ut and just a few days ago I had my first meeting with Nefesh b’Nefesh, an agency that works for North American Jews intending on immigrating to Israel. My application is in, and a few more papers are needed, but the decision has been made. I am making Aliyah to the State of Israel.

I have been grappling with this decision for a long time. My family lives very far away, but even farther away from following any sort of path that vaguely resembles my own. My decision feels like signing a contract of fate: to always being distant from them. It doesn’t mean that I will literally be cut off, nor are they disavowing their filial connection or love for me. But I am ensuring that my parents will never have a close relationship with their grandchildren, my brother’s children will never be regular playmates of mine and I may not always be able to afford to come and see them every year. I am hurting us both. I take it all very seriously. Even the concept of this sacrifice has quite frankly been too much for me to bare in the last few months I have been chewing on the decision. In order to become part of my greater Jewish family, I must Continue reading

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[Alumni Guest Post] Educating my Jewish Daughter by Whitney Fisch

Whitney Fisch (Year 2008-09) shares a personal challenge
of hers, regarding the role of women in Judaism:

w1Whitney Fisch grew up within the Reform movement in Marietta, GA. She started her career in Jewish communal work at the University of Georgia Hillel as the Jewish Student Life Coordinator, which led her to other positions in the Jewish world, most notably as the Outreach and Education Coordinator at the Jewish Council on Urban Affairs in Chicago and Education Director for the Anti-Defamation League’s Florida region. Tired of being considered a ‘super Jew’ for working in the Jewish world but feeling like she needed or even required more Jewish education for such a title, she decided to attend Pardes’ year program from 2008 – 2009. She met her now husband while in Jerusalem for that year. She is a middle school counselor at a private Jewish day school, a new mom and blogger at JewHungry.


Eight months ago my life forever changed… I became a mother of a daughter. My husband and I decided to find out the sex of our baby at 20 weeks and, of all things to say to all people, the ultrasound tech looked at me and said, “Oh! You have a little princess!”

Oy. Listen, I get it. Our culture celebrates women/girls as princesses. But in that moment, in that exact moment, I thought to myself, “this is exactly what is supposed to happen.” See I’m a social worker. I’m also a feminist and Continue reading

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Pardes According to Me

6This blog is about my school, the purpose and the aim of my sojourn in Kookooland (for English speakers, the title of my blog is zizilend meaning kookooland). Pardes (meaning “orchard”) is a yeshiva (Hebrew school) where Jews of all backgrounds and affiliations can study their religion, at any level. In this yeshiva, boys and girls study together. (This is extraordinary since traditionally, yeshivas were only for boys). Here there are boys who do not wear a kippah and girls who do. The leadership is Modern Orthodox. The teachers (mostly Americans) are generally consciously liberal and open-minded. Before the year started, I thought that in the breaks between classes, my future classmates would jump up on the desks and perform their feelings in a live version of High School Musical . Later I found out that I was wrong. My Zak Efrons would improvise songs from the bottoms of their hearts during class. Though I was right about the jumping on the desks.

They do not give you candy for going davening (prayer) and do not look down on you if you do not daven

You can be anybody coming from anywhere, the most important thing is that you want to study. Continue reading

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A Párdesz [Hungarian]

Repost a blogomból 

6Ez a bejegyzés az iskolámról, az egy éves zizilendi tartózkodásom okáról és céljáról szól.

A Pardes (a szó jelentése citrus- vagy gyümölcsliget) egy olyan jesiva (héber hittudományi iskola), ahol bármilyen háttérrel rendelkezők, bármilyen irányzathoz tartozók tanulhatnak zsidóságot, bármilyen szinten. Ebben a jesivában fiúk és lányok együtt tanulnak. (Gy. k.: ez egészen rendkívüli, mert a jesiva egy olyan intézmény eredetileg, ahol kizárólag fiúk tanulnak.) Itt vannak fiúk, akik nem hordanak kipát és vannak lányok akik igen. Modern ortodox a vezetés, a tanárok általában rendkívül tudatos liberális és szabadelvű gondolkodók. És amerikaiak. Mielőtt belevágtam volna ebbe a nagy kalandba, azt gondoltam, mivel a suli amcsi, tuti lesznek majd, akik a szünetben feltérdelnek a padra és elénekelik az érzéseiket mint a Highschool musicalben. Aztán rá kellett jönnöm, hogy rosszul gondoltam. Itt a Zak Efronok az órán imprózzák el dalban, mi ül a szívük mélyén. A padra térdelés stimmelt.

Nem adnak cukorkát, ha elmész imádkozni, és nem néznek le, ha nem Continue reading

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[Student Profile] Hannah Grossman

hannah

Hannah Grossman is an explorer. Her Jewish journey has taken her from the farthest ends of the earth to the deepest corners of her psyche. Yet the further she has traveled from her native New Jersey, the closer she has come to finally finding her Jewish home.

Hannah grew up in West Orange, NJ to an observant Conservative family. She describes her neighborhood as “very Jewish,” and between her neighborhood and her twelve years spent in a Solomon Schechter day school, “growing up I pretty much knew only Jews.” For her, a large part of what that Jewish environment meant was a commitment to social justice in her home, synagogue, and school, a Jewish value that would remain constant through all the journeys life would later take her on. Continue reading

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It’s Complicated

I can’t speak highly enough of Ben Barer (Fellows ’12), and I am consistently appreciative of his blogging. His recent post on ‘Picking Our Battles’ gave me pause because Ben and I agree on many things, but we’ve chosen different sides of the “Orthodox Community” – he’s chosen to be outside of it, and I’ve chosen to be inside of it.

In his recent post, Ben wrote:

“In order to make some of the changes that I can only dream of experiencing in my own lifetime surrounding issues of gender acceptance, and eventually, equity, in Judaism, I often feel the need to fight from the inside [the Orthodox Community].”

In response, I must say that even as a self-identified, halahically observant member of the “Orthodox Community”, I hardly expect that my affiliation has empowered me personally to “make some of the changes” that Ben and I would both like to see. My response to Andrea Wiese’s (PEP ’14) post, in which she describes her struggle to accept the role of women in the Orthodox community, would be no different. Continue reading

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[Alumni Guest Post] Picking Our Battles

Posted by Ben Barer (Fellows '12):

When you stop to consider the problems plaguing our world (now, as in any other time in history), it can be daunting to the point of being immobilizing. How can I possibly choose, based on such imperfect knowledge, where to most effectively apply myself, and, even if I do, how can I know that I will make any difference — all the while struggling to make ends meet and taking on the stresses of many other people?

I think a large part of the answer to the first question — what cause to take on — is a matter of reformulation. You do not choose a cause so much as the cause chooses you. It is naive to hope that you can choose the cause that ‘needs the most help’ in the world today, and then PRESTO you find the energy to devote yourself to that cause night and day, for decades. We were all born and raised with different skills, predilections, and goals. One of the toughest challenges for me is accepting that I can only be effective at a cause that calls to me before seeing it on a headline.

This was the struggle I had after reading a recent piece in Ha’aretz about the growing phenomenon of Orthodox Jewish women being granted a status as halakhic decisors, ‘almost’ on a par with rabbinic ordination. As women’s rights in all spheres, Jewish and otherwise, is a cause close to my heart, I am very happy to hear of such developments. When I read passages like this one, however, I am torn:

“Friedman [the woman who is the focus of the article] says she chose the Torah path in response to religious radicalization. ‘We were all jolted by the extremist rulings of Rabbi Shlomo Aviner and other representatives of fundamentalism not to rent apartments to Arabs in Safed, or modesty requirements for a three-year-old girl and the like,’ she says. ‘My heritage in the religious-Zionist movement was different. But if you want to sound a different voice, you have to do it from within’” (emphasis added)

I think that Friedman is right, and that is what troubles me. In order to make some of the changes that I can only dream of experiencing in my own lifetime surrounding issues of gender acceptance, and eventually, equity, in Judaism, I often feel the need to fight from the inside. Throwing one’s lot in with the Orthodox community, however, carries with it the consequence of largely shutting out the voices in the Jewish community who have already reached the desired goal, except as personal inspiration. Orthodox communities do not want to hear from non-Orthodox communities on issues of ritual change. The only voices that will be heard are those like Friedman’s. I am left to ponder whether that is the battle that is calling to me, or if there are other battles that might provide the same fire under my belly without such compromise.

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[Alumni Guest Post] Tzfat Shabbat

From Daniel Shibley's (Fellows '12) blog:

Tzfat

Tzfat (Photo credit: tunnelarmr)

The mystical city of Tzfat, in which I spent Shabbat with my parents, is renowned on numerous levels. Rich in history, Tzfat is one of the holy cities of Judaism. Atop the mountain, blasted by a stiff wind, sits a crusader fortress which lies in ruin but affords fabulous views of Mount Meron to the West and villages of Galilee in the surrounding valleys. The art galleries and old synagogues, including those of R’ Yosef Karo and The Ari z”l, which draw captive audiences from tourists and residents alike. Halls of study are tucked into alleys, along with shops selling trinkets of countless variety. Walking through the narrow streets before Shabbat afforded me spectacular whiffs of chicken soup, challah, roasted vegetable, and other Shabbat fare. Tzfat also attracts a certain self-selecting population of shoe-less kabbalists eager to take dunk in a mikvah (ritual bath) said to have mystical properties. Musicians in the streets strumming guitars croak out melodies, some beautiful, some less so. Standing and watching the sunset as Shabbat began, it becomes very easy to understand the inspiration for the institution of the Psalms of Kabbalat Shabbat, as well R’ Alkabetz’s poem, L’cha Dodi. As I walked the alleys Continue reading

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a new struggle i didn’t see coming

From my blog:

“An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.”

I know this sounds naive, but I really didn’t see this one coming.

aw

Just some clarifications before I start. I love being Jewish. I love not using electricity on Shabbat, I love keeping mitzvot, I love davening, I LOVE Torah. I choose to believe Torah is from Sinai. I like dressing conservatively, although I don’t always wear skirts. I often think about being orthodox and marrying an orthodox man.

I grew up in a place that I didn’t have anyone to raise me Jewish, to answer my questions, or help me become the Jew I wanted to be.  I grew up in a predominantly farming community in Indiana, where there weren’t any other Jews. My dad is Catholic. My Jewish education is also about survival. At this point in my life, I wouldn’t choose to raise my family there, because I want to them grow up more Jewishly observant, but I did grow up there, and there weren’t people who could teach me. Continue reading

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