Ghosts in the night

Tonight is the night.

 

No, I am not OK.

No, you can not help.

No, you do not understand.

No, I am not alone.

 

Tonight is the night I dread all year. All the ghosts that have been pushed into the shadows (with the exception of the occasional visit) come out. Tonight is their night. Tonight I am the visitor, the intruder. Tonight they will shove me another drink, just to keep me quiet, while they sit around and reminisce. Tonight I will stand, along with every Israeli and Jew in the world, and remember the brave men and women who died for this country, as well as the men, women and children who were massacred in terror attacks over the years. Tonight is the eve of the Day of Remembrance for Israeli Fallen Soldiers and Victims of Terrorism. Continue reading

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[Alumni Guest Post] Yom Ha… Season as Israelis

New Alumni Blog Post!
Stef Jadd Susnow (Year Program ’06-’07, PEP ’07-’09) 
and Matt Susnow (Year Program ’06-’07) 
Write about the "Yom Ha..." Season in Israel...
      it's a truly special experience being in Israel
      for these national holidays.

This week marked the beginning of one of the most poignant times on the Israeli national calender, a period I like to refer to as Yom Ha… season. Within the span of one week three major commemorative holidays occur: Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day), Yom HaZikaron (Memorial Day) and Yom HaAtzmaut (Independence Day). The emotional roller-coaster that the close proximity of these holidays create was thoughtfully designed when established by the Knesset (Israeli government). By concentrating these national commemorations across eight days, we have no choice but to see how the Holocaust, Israel’s many wars, and Israel’s independence are intrinsically tied.

This week began with Yom HaShoah, whose full name is Yom HaZikaron laShoah ve-laG’vurah, “Holocaust and Heroism Remembrance Day”. As indicated in the name, this day is not only for commemorating the millions of lives that were lost, the millions that were murdered at the hands of the Nazis, but also for acknowledging and celebrating the heroism and resistance that is so often overlooked when talking about the Shoah (Holocaust). This point was driven home this year at Continue reading

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Time to Stir Up Some Controversy…

From my blog:

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I’d like to use this post to respond to a sentiment that I have frequently heard in recent years among Israelis with regard to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The sentiment goes something like this: “I’m in favor of peace with the Palestinians, including a two-state solution in which the Palestinians would have a state in most of the West Bank and Gaza Strip. I supported it back in the ’90s when it seemed about to become a reality, and in theory I would support it today. However, Israel has tried and tried to create this sort of deal with the Palestinians, and it has failed because there is no serious partner on the Palestinian side. Therefore, I do not support efforts to reach a deal with the Palestinians at the present time.” Continue reading

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“Aftermath”

I sit on a hill, overlooking Gaza Strip, so near yet so far. It seems almost peaceful. No planes in the air, no fires, no pillars of smoke. Just the sound of vehicles on the highway below. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was looking at another Israeli town. You’d think there was no conflict, no ongoing war, no recent operation. Just peace and quiet.

I pass through Sderot, and it’s even more absurd. With a few minor and old exceptions, everything’s been cleared and patched up. You wouldn’t know by looking that this town has been bombarded for over a decade.

And I’m back on a tiyul, back where it started last time. So much time has passed in the last 9 weeks. I’m back and I’m as lost and as out of place as ever.

So I do what I do best: I push myself, add challenges, drive myself harder, carry more weight, more bags, punish myself. And it works, for a bit. Until the late night conversations start, the drinking, the chain smoking. Anything and everything to distract myself.

It’s beautiful, amazing, majestic, and it is no longer mine. The once familiar trails have become foreign, a burden, a source of worry. The people that in such a short time had become family are now kept at arm’s length, for their sake as much as my own.

It’s never over for me, for my kind. Things change: politics, borders, conflict locations. But for us, peace will never come.

Because long after the world has forgotten, we continue to live with the memories, in the aftermath of something that was always bigger than us, yet exclusively ours…

 

 

This is the last of the series of pieces written during and after Pillar of Defense… Hopefully I’ll have more positive things coming soon… I’d like to thank the entire Pardes community for all the love and support over the last couple of months, thank you for being there, for not letting me sink or give up!!!

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Azkara for Janet Robbin

One thing that is very real lately at Pardes is the Jewish life cycle; particularly, the end. Last week many students traveled to Alon Shvut to support Zvi Hirschfield at the funeral of his father. And just last night, many students and people from the community gathered in the Beit Midrash for an azkara or a type of “remembering” of Janet Robbin.

Janet Robbin was the mother of Sheryl Robbin, Rav Daniel Landes’ wife. Rav Landes is the Rosh Yeshiva at Pardes. Janet Robbin was also the grandmother of Hannah and Isaac Landes who I have become close with over the past year and a half at Pardes because the Landes’ always invite students to their home for Shabbat and holidays. If you have never met anyone of the Landes’, all I can say is that they are all lovely and unique, each with their own wonderful qualities. Continue reading

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Does Joseph really forgive his brothers?

I gave over this dvar at night seder this week:
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Night seder dvar

This week’s parasha is Vayechi, in which, among other things, Jacob dies and we see a scene of apparent reconciliation between Joseph and his brothers. At first, this seems to be an intimate moment in which everyone comes to understand each other, and by the end Joseph seems to be saying to his brothers: “Relax, it’s ok. We can move on. I’ll forgive you.” Though this seems like a fair pshat reading, I’d like to offer an alternative.

One question that is not clearly answered in the text is, does Joseph really forgive his brothers? Leading up to this speech of his, they ask him twice to forgive (pesha) them. Yet nowhere in Joseph’s answer does he say “I forgive you.” Rather, the scene ends like this:

[Joseph]: “Have no fear! Am I a substitute for God? Besides, although you intended me harm, God intended it for good, so as to bring about the present result—the survival of many people. And so, fear not. I will sustain you and your children.” Thus he reassured them, speaking kindly to them (vay-daber al libam).
– JPS translation (1999)

It is this last phrase, more directly translated as “and he spoke on their hearts,” that I will explore in this drash. Continue reading

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“Same difference”

Mothers shouting, children crying, fathers off fighting.
Another explosion, more blood, smoke and fire, injuries, fatalities, trying to find shelter.
Sderot, Ashkelon, Ashdod, Eshkol, Be’er Sheva, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, Gush Etzion, Kiryat Malakhi.
Gaza, Khan Yunes, Dir el-Balah, Beit Lahia, Nusirat, Rafah, Mughazi, Jibalya, Beit Khanun.

Where am I??? Does it matter??? It’s all the same: Death and hatred galore. We can’t win, any of us.

And another one bites the dust…

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“Time”

A cigarette burns away…

Morning, another flyby, another explosion, shouting, running, preparing, packing…

A cigarette burns away…

Food passed around, small talk, waiting, hoping, praying, joking, cards, coffee…

A cigarette burns away…

High noon, feeling the heat thanks to the equipment, more food, more coffee, more drilling…

A cigarette burns away…

Ethical & moral debates, god, good & bad luck, talking about home…

A cigarette burns away…

Sirens, another explosion, Déjà vu, smoke and fire, planes and choppers on their way to retaliate…

A cigarette burns away…

Evening, more drilling, more preparations, tension, fear, news update, more food…

A cigarette burns away…

Briefing, re-equip, night drill, dozing off for a few minutes, adrenaline pumping, the unknown…

A cigarette burns away…

Midnight, chill seeping to bones, planes flying by, sirens, commotion, mayhem…

A cigarette burns away…

How much longer? Can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t focus. Which is worse, daydreaming or being awake? Listening to the others sleep…

A cigarette burns away…

Crack of dawn, coffee, stretching, singing, national anthem, briefing, news update, go…

A cigarette burns away…

Wishing for a friendly voice, text, anything. But no phones. Did I say everything I should have? Too late, try and focus…

A cigarette burns away…

Morning, another flyby, another explosion, shouting, running, preparing, drilling, packing…

A cigarette burns away…

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Struggle is a Shared Value

(Cross-posted from Interfaith Youth Core)

I had just taken my first bite of lunch when I suddenly saw everyone around me stand up and head for the front door. I hadn’t even heard the siren. I put my sandwich down and joined my fellow classmates filing into the bomb shelter, where we gathered for ten minutes before deciding it was safe to return.

The first thought I had when I emerged from the basement was how lucky I felt to be an American studying in Jerusalem right now, and not a Palestinian living in the Gaza Strip. I feel deep sadness for the many Palestinians in Gaza, and Israelis, who have lost loved ones in the fighting between Israel and Hamas, and I can’t help but think that this kind of struggle is not the pathway to peace.

Ironically, the rabbi who was speaking to my class just before the siren sounded was giving a lecture on the importance of struggle in Jewish spirituality. He was encouraging us to make our lives about the pursuit of justice, meaning, and truth, rather than simply the pursuit of comfort.

His talk resonated with me deeply, and it is with that attitude of non-complacency that I approach today’s most recent bout of Islamophobia. This time it has taken the form of subway and bus ads in Chicago and NYC declaring, “In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. Support Israel. Defeat Jihad.” I speak out against these ads not only because they insult and distort the beliefs of my Muslim friends, but because they offend my Jewish beliefs as well.

In the spirit of pursuing truth and justice, I think it’s important to first give proper and fair context to religious beliefs. What I’ve learned about jihad from interfaith dialogue with Muslims is that there are two commonly accepted meanings of jihad: an inner spiritual struggle and an outer physical struggle, both in pursuit of the divine. The idea of “wrestling with G-d” is also an important Jewish value, straight from the biblical story of Jacob wrestling with the Angel.  Therefore, a sign saying “Defeat Jihad” is not only offensive to Muslims, it’s offensive to me as a Jew.

I also take issue with the ad’s language of “defeat.” Jacob did not wrestle with the Angel with the intention of defeating or killing it, but with the intention of receiving a blessing. That is a very different kind of struggle. Holy struggle is something that is meant to bring about blessings and peace, not divisiveness and hate. Therefore, Islamophobic signs about “defeating” jihad are a tactic of exactly the kind of struggle that is not holy.

It is also this sense of the need to “defeat”—rather than constructively struggle with—“the enemy” that bothers me most about the conflict in Gaza. It bothers me so much that when I recite the prayer for the protection of my friends in the Israeli Defense Forces, I cross out the two lines in the prayer pertaining to the “defeat” of the enemy. I appreciate that terrorism cannot be negotiated with, but it is the issues of the occupation in Gaza and the desires of both Israelis and Palestinians to have their own functioning societies that are at the core of the present struggle.

My deepest hope at this time is that the shared Jewish and Muslim value of divine struggle can be used a principle for the Israeli-Palestinian struggle to bring about times of blessings and peace.

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Empty Notebook

I doodled once on the cover of my notebook, but I didn’t take any notes. Every time we met with a speaker, I brought my notebook and pen with me, but I never once wrote down what they were saying. I’m not sure that I couldn’t have; I’m only sure that I didn’t want to.

The two days of our Perspectives Israel trip were completely packed with speaker after speaker. We ate lunch on the bus because otherwise we wouldn’t have made it back before Shabbat on Friday. And we really stuck to our schedule. They spoke, we asked, they answered, and we left for the bus. Speaker after speaker after speaker.

I think my concern was mostly about being present with them.

Continue reading

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