Musings from Students of the Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies in Jerusalem
Posted on January 25, 2023 by Matthew Filderman
In reflection to his experiences on the Pardes Jewish Heritage Journey to Poland guided by Pardes Dean Emeritus David Bernstein.
My name is Matthew Filderman. I am a proud Reform Jew from Memphis, Tennessee. I graduated from the University of Alabama in 2017 and am currently studying in The Year Program at The Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies.
Preface:
I had just finished reading Night, which heavily influenced each step I took as we walked through the Majdanek Concentration Camp. We walked from the gas chambers to the crematorium, which was probably a 6 minute walk that felt like 30 minutes. When the walk started, there was a light, yet chilling rain. As we continued it quickly became a windy downpour, eventually turning to light hail. After reconvening in the crematorium we left and to our surprise, we were greeted by a light sleet. During this walk, someone offered for me to get under their umbrella and I kindly declined, emphasizing that I needed to feel all of this. As I walked, I kept thinking back to Elie Wiesel’s words describing the marches they would be forced to go on or how they would eat snow to hydrate. For that six minute walk, as I couldn’t differentiate between tears and raindrops, I felt a bit closer to all of my ancestors and my people.
The March With My People
Tear, raindrop, step
Left, right, wet.
Marching in silence.
Feeling the numbness take over.
Tear, raindrop, step.
Left, right, wet.
Bunkers. Crematorium.
Ashes. Shoes. Memories.
Tear, raindrop, step.
Left, right, wet.
Weather conditions worsen.
Reminder of the past.
Tear, raindrop, step.
Left, right, wet.
History’s a lesson, we cannot forget.
Soaking in the pain and hurt, just as my ancestors did.
Tear, raindrop, step.
Left, right, wet.
Hail piercing my skin.
Feel it. It’s nothing like they endured. Choose to feel.
Tear, raindrop, step.
Left, right, wet.
Feeling everything, or feeling nothing.
One in the same on a rainy day in a death camp.
Tear, raindrop, step.
Left, right, wet.
This memory will haunt forever. Seared in my mind, like I’ve never left.
Tear, raindrop, step.
Left, right, wet.
