These and Those

Musings from Students of the Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies in Jerusalem

Stuff Pardesians Say

Posted on March 15, 2012 by S. Gunning

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The following list of quotes was compiled by Sara Gunning and Derek Kwait for last week’s Purim Spiel:

  • I will davka only eat organic tofu.
  • This Mishna is so heteronormative!
  • No, it’s okay, my chevruta’s gay.
  • There’s a lot of othering going on in this Gemara.
  • I’m really grateful for the chance to improve my dictionary skills.
  • What did you do for Shabbas?
  • I went to Bethlehem.
  • I just did a new mitzvah. Can we do a processing session?
  • No, it’s okay, my chevruta’s FFB.
  • She’s so frum, she won’t even hug me over the mechitza.
  • How can we call this a Jewish State while we continue to stand by and let innocent cats starve on our streets?
  • Is it possible to be a posek without following Halakha?
  • I LOVE Heschel!
  • No, it’s okay, my chevruta’s a woman.
  • I’ll only go to YCT once they admit women.
  • I would go to Hebrew College if they had a mechitza minyan.
  • I just went to the Gush. Can we do a processing session?
  • Oh man! I’m so excited we’re going to see it in the text!
  • I’d just like to push back against that…
  • No, it’s okay, my chevruta lived in Palestine.
  • Does anyone want to help me start an egal minyan in Hebron?
  • Self, Soul, and Text is not avoda zara, I swear I haven’t worshipped anything since Mincha.
  • It’s not Pardesians its Pardesniks!
  • No, it’s okay, my chevruta davens at the mechitza minyan.
  • The way Rabbi Akiva reads text is intellectual fascism.
  • Israel makes my ovaries hurt.
  • No, it’s okay, my chevruta’s DLK.
  • I can’t believe no one has returned my Jastrow… it has my siman all over it.
  • Shtaaak
  • I really like your hair…..which one of your parents is Jewish again?
  • No, it’s okay, my chevruta’s Hungarian.
  • I’ve decided to become a Shabbatitarian.
  • Hey guys who’s up for settlers this weekend?!
  • The Kotel is avoda Zara!
  • No, it’s okay, my chevruta’s a cohen.
  • I’m sorry I don’t speak Ashkenazi.
  • Snuff??… NOT FROM THE SIDES!!!!
  • I’m not shomer Negiah im shomer neGAYa.
  • I really need a massage…. or a shtender.
  • What’s the Koisel?
  • Who wants to come to egalitarian musical Vadikin, at the Tayelet which I feel I must inform you is over the green line…… there will be a processing session led by DLK afterwards.
  • No, it’s okay, my chevruta’s Sephardi.
  • Is it hot in here or is it just the Mishna.
  • Who cares if there’s a little mold on it ITS HEFKER!
  • Did you hear about Shmuli, he didn’t go on the tiyul and ended up at Wolfson with FOMO.
  • What do you mean Pardes isn’t going to feed me for davening by myself?
  • Do to overwhelming demand the group processing session for people who have been offended by Robert Murstein will be moved from Room C to The Beit Midrash.