Posted on July 16, 2012 by Rachel Bikofsky
(Cross-posted from Little by Little לאט לאט
Shalom from Israel! I do feel like I should apologize for the long stretch without any postings…as predicted, getting computer access has been a bit tricky. But, though I haven’t been writing, I’ve been quite busy exploring Jerusalem and reuniting with dear friends after many, many months apart. This week I began a 3-week-long course of study at the Pardes Institute, and although I’ve only had three days of learning so far, I’ve already made one major discovery: I LOVE learning Torah!
This is no small realization, especially because I distinctly remember a time when I thought studying Torah sounded both tedious and unproductive. I’ve found that not only is learning Torah way more mentally stimulating than I’d originally thought, but also that I have a huge appetite for it. I can’t get enough of the beit midrash, with its continuous current of debate and intellectual energy. I am completely enthralled by Talmud and the scrupulous attention that the talmudic rabbis paid to every single detail. Also, I just love the feeling of exploring something new in an environment where every question is valid and every opinion merits air time. Beginning to learn Torah has also been incredibly humbling–it has been a long time since I’ve had to learn ANYTHING from scratch, and the feeling can be uncomfortable at times. But at the same time, the struggle is delicious because the rewards are so satisfying.
At first, I couldn’t really see how my newfound enthusiasm for Torah learning related to recovery, but I believe I’ve found a link. Discovering what energizes us is a major part of recovery work–figuring out what truly excites us, and making space for it in our lives. A great therapist of mine once said, “You need to find what’s yummy to you.” In other words, it’s important to figure out what genuinely brings you positive energy and joy. For me, in this moment, learning Torah is yummy. I’m grateful to have this opportunity to bring it into my life, and I look forward to sharing with you what I’m learning!
What about you? What does your soul find delicious?