Tag Archives: confusion

L’Havdil

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The incidents at the Kotel these past few months have dominated the atmosphere where I study. There is an overwhelming sense of support for the Women of the Wall and their efforts to be recognized as legitimate players in the Jewish-religious narrative. Many of my friends have donned their Talitot and Tefilin (some for the first time) and made headlines in the process. I can personally attest to the character and passion of these people and I believe their intentions are sincere.

And yet I struggle.

I struggle because I believe that Jewish history provides us with important lessons for the present. And when I view what is going on at the Kotel plaza it is as if I have been transported to Jerusalem just prior to the destruction of Second Beit HaMikdash (Temple). Both Josephus and the Talmud record a time of great division amongst the Jewish people and both ascribe the ultimate loss of the war with Rome and the destruction of Beit HaMikdash (Temple) to this infighting (Tradition calls it Sinat Chinam (baseless hatred) while Josephus explains it along Continue reading →

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[Alumni Guest Post] Living In and Through Tragedy

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From Ben Barer's (Fellows 2011-12) blog:

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This post also appeared on State of Formation.

It has been a tough week to be in Boston.  It is almost as hard to add anything to all that has been written about the tragedy, confusion, and sadness that the week brought, to Boston and to the world as it looked on.  Two seemingly contradictory themes stood out for me, first in my experience (however indirect) of the events of the week, and then in the reflections on those events that spoke to me most.  These themes are silence and community.

Silence, because no words were helpful in the immediate aftermath of the bombing, and all too often words were harmful, as Continue reading →

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My Ayeka Journey

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Among the many blessings I have experienced this year is the Ayeka course facilitated by David Bogomolny.  I share here some of my favourite take-aways from the course (handily preserved in my writing exercises and reflections.)

This module was about bringing God back to the conversation.  I felt like it gave me a place to engage with my relationship with God and my beliefs in a spiritual way amidst a year of otherwise mostly intellectual pursuits.  I always manage to find my way back to faith and my relationship with God but in the Ayeka sessions, God was our starting point, not only the destination.

Session 4, on the conversation or hitbodedut, took place during the Pillar of Cloud preparations.  According to my reflections, hitbodedut at this time came as a welcome relief during a time of confusion, when I felt inarticulate and confused.  Here is what I wrote: Continue reading →

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British Q&A

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Here is my presentation from the Pardes Purim spiel:

In the spirit of what we learnt about conflict resolution I am going to provide feedback on how I feel and relate to the Pardes community.

I will begin by outlining my expectations prior to coming here. I came to Pardes excited to learn with students from all different backgrounds. The website talks so much about celebrating diversity. So I was shocked to find myself in the position of fulfilling an ethnic minority quota. Apart from a few fellow foreigners you are all the same. BLOODY AMERICANS!!!!!!! I know we have Canadians, but to be honest I can’t tell the difference. You all have these strange accents.

usuk

During my first few weeks here I was confused. People looked dazzled when I spoke, not being able to understand what I was saying. I found it helpful to talk LOUDLY, CLEARLY and SLOWLY using language similar to that of a small child. Not being able to understand my accent was okay. I know that your experience of British culture was limited to watching Downton Abbey. I think you had a hard time adjusting to a non-fictional real life Londoner. Continue reading →

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[Alumni Guest Post] Sara Brandes – A Purim D’var Torah (a spoken word piece)

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Rosh Chodesh Adar is almost over, but Purim is coming soon!

A Provocative Purim Poem by
Sara Brandes (Year ’01, Fellows ’02, Elul ’05) 

ENJOY!

sbRabbi Sara Brandes lives in Los Angeles, CA, with her husband Hyim, and two children, Michal (5) and Gavi (2). She is West Coast Regional Director at Moving Traditions, and is working to build the Neshama Center, a spiritual mikvah and spa. She is a member of the inaugural cohort of PresenTense LA, a certified yoga instructor and the spiritual leader of the independent cooperative, Minyan Kol Chai. She blogs on Embodied Jewish spirituality at www.thejewishbody.org.

A Purim D’var Torah

A Spoken Word Piece

Can she be my hero?
I’ve always wanted to be a princess.
But, can she be my hero?
The winner of a beauty contest.
            Turn it and turn it and turn it.
Could it be that I could be she.
But, he could be me.
Who is he?
Evil he.
            Turn it and turn it and turn it.

Continue reading →

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New day, New adventures, New post

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Originally posted on my blog in Oct.:

So I decided today to go to the botanical garden in Jerusalem. I have always wanted to go, but have never found the time, well now I made the time!

So I brought my map, and the multiple bus directions that I looked up and hoped I would find it. Well I did but it was not as easy as I thought it would be. I ended up getting off the bus too early, walked for about 30 minutes and finally found a sign for the botanical gardens. But you got to love Israel and their lack of signs, I could not find the entrance!! I was so close, I could see the garden, but I couldn’t find a way in. It reminded me of Kafka’s Before The Law. A short story I read in high school.

This fence, where i couldn’t even find an entrance, was there for a reason.

So I ended up pretty much walking almost the entire circumference until I found the entrance! I have never been so happy to find an entrance sign in my life!!

Continue reading →

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The Search for Delicious

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Originally posted on my blog:

In 5th grade we read a book in class called The Search for Delicious… A couple of months after reading this book, we had to pick our favorite book and do a book report on it. But, because I HATED to read, I just picked The Search for Delicious, a book I already read, thus I wouldn’t have to read another book,

Truthfully, I didn’t really even like the book THAT much. But the book (at least as I remember it) was about this king who wanted to know the definition of Delicious. So he asked all hundreds of people, and had his servants search for the answer. But, he realized there is just no ‘one’ definition of delicious, and that he needs to find his own definition.

So why did this book come up in my head today as I was walking the streets? Especially after not thinking about it for over 10 years?

Maybe, it has to do with the fact that I am searching for something, something only I can do. What may be right for others may not be right for me. So I have to do the dirty work and go out and search for it!! Continue reading →

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Chanukah is almost here! Unbelievable!

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The following post has been cross-posted from my Studymoon blog.

Hello!

Shmatan here again, writing from the holy land!

I cannot believe that Chanukah has almost arrived! That means that all us Pardesniks have now been here for 3 months! It blows my mind how fast time goes by.

Before, we get started, I must provide an update to our ongoing measure of the Jerusalem feline population, the Shmatan Cat Count:

Our new total, as of Monday, December 3, is:

68

Disclaimer: This may, on rare occasions, include the counting of cats more than once, although efforts have been made to avoid such a source of bias.

Unfortunately, as I am writing this, I am sitting in bed with my first cold since being here, but it has given me some good time to reflect on what my experience has been like so far.

I love Israel, especially all of the Israel’isms that you would never experience anywhere else in the world. Being literally bowled over in the shuk at 4 pm on Friday by a senior citizen rushing to get the last container of chocolate rugelach. The shopping carts piled literally feet above the top metal rim. The transliterations that exactly mimic the English (English = Broccoli, Hebrew = Broccoli). The drivers that take the rules of the road merely as a subtle suggestion. There are other things that I could do without. The fear of war looming from outside Israel’s borders, the conflict that I observe both outside within the communities around me, and the conflict that I find inside myself, when I debate what if anything that we can do to make this part of the world a better place.

If there is anything that I have learned from the time that I have spent here in Israel, it is that the situation that presents itself here in Israel is very, very complicated. Before coming to Israel, I felt that my inability to get my head around how to achieve peace in the middle east was solely due to a lack of knowledge. Now, having been in Israel, and having met members from many of the communities that have a stake in the peace process, I understand that it is not a matter of having enough information. I definitely now have plenty of that. There are so many groups with so many opinions, so many axes to grind, so much  fear, so much hope, and a genuine desire for peace, but no way to get past history. Like I said, really really complex.

I feel now more able to discuss the issues that underlie the fight for peace in the middle east, but by no means do I feel any closer to a solution. I hope that through further discussion with progressive individuals who truly, genuinely care about achieving peace, maybe someday such a goal could be achieved. There are so many hurdles to get over, but hey, call me an optimist.

The way that I feel, as long as people are still talking to people, we are on the right track.

Shmatan signing off.

PS If anyone is interested, here is the email address of Issa, the first Palestinian speaker from the Hevron trip. From him, I felt an honest desire for peace.

issa...@gmail.com

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The Soul of Jerusalem: A View of Multiple Truths

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Crossposted from my blog:

Wherever you stand,
be the soul of that place.
~ Rumi

But what does it mean to be the soul of a place like Jerusalem? A place where so many people feel most closely connected to their own inner strength and beliefs, and yet stand in direct conflict with one another?

One of the very first lessons I learned in my program of text study at the Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies was as follows:

When learning Gemara**, there are always at least two truths, and they directly contradict each other.

 
** Gemara = a body of text of rabbinic debate that accompanies the oral torah/bible and serves as an important source for Jewish law
Instead of the western learning ideal of gaining knowledge in search of a single right answer, Jewish learning involves argument; it involves debate. There are various differing opinions and stances and interpretations, and yet simultaneously there exists an intense oneness of belief and faith. It is perhaps one of the most beautiful aspects of Jewish religion and spirituality, and in my opinion a part that is so often overlooked and underrepresented.
Robert Safian proposes that understanding the duality of opposing truths is necessary for entrepreneurs and business leaders to be successful in today’s economic climate. In his article “Secrets of the Flux Leader,” Safian brings to the table Margaret Wheatley’s argument: that we can no longer rely on singularly directed pathways of reasoning rooted in the 17th century ideas of Sir Isaac Newton,

“We now know that cause and effect is not a given in the natural world. Creation comes not from stasis but from Continue reading →

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Symbolism: Reflections on my Pardes Poland Trip

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In looking back at our Poland Heritage Trip in January, it’s quite difficult to fathom just how much we witnessed in 5 short days. We began with the colorful tapestry of Jewish life that existed in Warsaw and Lublin, which was hardly a foreshadowing of what was to come. We tapped into the spirituality of the Chasidic leaders through visiting the tombs of Hassidic masters, such as Rav Elimelech of Lezajsk. We visited Krakow, and painted a picture of the colorful tapestry of Jewish life that existed by experiencing the beautiful old shuls and telling stories about the scholars who led the community. We stepped into the horror and disbelief that is Belzec, Majdanek and Auschwitz, facing head on the reality of what happened on cold winter nights while the feeling of death lingered in the air. We explored the concept of heroism through studying the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, and re-defined what it meant to have courage and conviction in the face of bleak circumstances. We searched for some sort of redemption, as we learned about righteous gentiles like Oskar Schindler while standing outside of his factory, and realized just how much individuals like him risked to save a few Jewish souls.

snwflk

The journey our group took during those 5 days forced us to confront a tragedy in our collective history that is painful to address. It would have been much easier to stay in the Beit Midrash. But in freezing temperatures, we trudged through the snow, intent on searching for some sort of answer to our existential questions. I came away from the experience with more questions and less answers than ever before. However, as I was standing in Birkenau trying to fathom what was before me, a chance occurrence gave me a sliver of clarity. As our tour guide’s words pelted us with the alarming numbers of death and cruelty that occurred in the exact spot where I stood, the snow started to fall. I happened to look down and saw on my glove a snowflake in the shape of a Magen David. While it wasn’t an answer, it felt like a still, small voice, perhaps even a quiet charge. And my realization was this: I was standing, by my own choosing, in a place where hundreds of Jews wanted to be freed from their suffering. And through the consistent development and commitment to my personal Jewish identity, Torah study and service in the community, I could in some small way honor and uplift their memory. While it wasn’t an answer to the many questions racing through my head, it was at least a direction gleaned from a symbol that connected me to previous generations.

 

Today when I enter the Beit Midrash to embark on deepening and expanding my Torah knowledge, I am aware that my small actions are easily taken for granted and that I am privileged to carry on our tradition. My Jewish brothers and sisters can no longer carry this on, and in memory of those who perished, I will hopefully begin to regain a tiny fraction of the communal knowledge, culture and vibrance that was destroyed in the Shoah.
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