Irony’s Revenge: The Post-Modern Shidduch Date

Jewish Dating Tips #1: If we call ourselves single, we make ourselves lonely—A single is a person shipwrecked on an island. Adam HaRishon, the first man was single. Nobody else has been single since. When you feel alone and single, make your life more meaningful. Start appreciating those around you. Use the most precious gift an unmarried person has – your free time – to help others.

Black yarmulke? Check. White shirt? Check. Black pants? Check. Black Shabbos shoes? Check. Tzitzit out? Check. Sense of self?….As I walk down my street, telling a lie with each footstep, I feel the stares and the subtle resentment of each passerby as they rightfully judge me as something I’m not. I never thought of t-shirts, jean shorts, colorful knitted kippas, and tiztizit, as a statement of who I am before, but in this moment, I long to be me again. Or at least to get to my “date”’s house sooner where they get it.

When I arrive, she’s in the bathroom putting the finishing touches on her costume. From the back, I can already see the difference. The vivacious girl known for wearing clothing so loud that if it actually covered more of her body, everyone within a 10-yard radius would be in danger of becoming blind and deaf, has transformed herself into Frumma Blahstein for our “date.”

“Call me Shua,” I say, arms behind my back and avoiding her gaze as though making eye-contact were signing a ketuba kesuba.

“I’m Nomi,” she says, doing the same (I guess). “Laura, take our picture! Derek, let’s make this as awkward as possible!”

“It’s Shua, and that won’t be hard,” I say. We settle on a position on either side of a plant and look anywhere but at each other. “This is going to be so much fun!” we say, almost in unison.

417871_10151421650918457_1227077169_n

Continue reading

Share

Face to Face at Sinai

From my blog:
Moses Shows the Tablets of the Law,  by Marc Chagall

Moses Shows the Tablets of the Law, by Marc Chagall

Two brief teachings by R. Kalonymus Kalman HaLevi Epstein on Shavuot, excerpted from Maor vaShamesh

ויחן שם ישראל נגד ההר And Israel camped there under the mountain. Exodus 19:2

Rashi points out that ‘camped’ is in the singular, and explains they camped there ‘as one person with one heart.’

To receive the Torah, the essential thing, on which everything else depends, is that there be love and brotherhood among the children of Israel, as our sages said, ‘The entire Torah depends on the mitzvah of ‘love your fellow as yourself.’ For when there is peace among us, the divine Presence rests among us, since the totality of our souls equals 60,000, the number of letters in the Torah, for we each have our soul’s root in one of the letters of the Torah — and this is hinted at by the very word ישראל ‘Israel,’ which stands for Continue reading

Share

[Alumni Guest Post] A Holy Stranger with Open Arms

Alissa Thomas (Spring '11) blogs about relating to
Jewish Converts, inspired by her own father:

There is nothing like seeing my father dressed head to toe in all white.

His soul hearkens to the time of the Kabbalistic rabbis who, draped in white clothing, would sing Kabbalat Shabbat in the fields. I imagine my father in his Shabbat white watching the sun set with his arms spread like angels’ wings and his heart leaping out of his chest toward his Creator. It is quite a breathtaking sight.

My family takes the Kabbalistic practice of wearing white clothing on Shabbat and many chagim very seriously. Every family member has a section of his or her wardrobe for the special white pieces, including shoes. We appreciate the physical expression of spiritual openness and humility; but my father has always had a special relationship with this practice. Continue reading

Share

[PCJE Dvar Torah] A Bridge Between – by Avi Spodek

7Over these past few weeks I have been reading Steven R. Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People as part of my coursework in Jewish educational leadership. Covey’s message and delivery are inspiring, and I highly recommend to this book to anyone and everyone. Its main premise is that leaders are most effective when they are, first and foremost, committed to and guided by principles of a universal and eternal character ethic. These principles enable them to prioritize their goals and forge authentic relationships with their colleagues in a way that cultivates their talents and spurs them toward greatness. Ostensibly intended for a business management audience, The Seven Habits has implications for every individual. Continue reading

Share

[Alumni Guest Post] A Love Grounded in Relationships

Lisa Narodick Colton (Year '99-'00) reflects upon the
impact of a recent trip to Israel with her son.

LNCI was 21 years old when I first came to Israel. A summer in Tzvat begged more questions than it answered, and I returned for 15 months in Jerusalem (including Pardes) to fill in the openings.

This Pesach I brought my 8 year old son to Israel for the first time. I’ve known since before I had children that I wanted them to have an intimate and informed relationship with Israel embedded in their Jewish identity from an early age. And while I have dreamed of coming back to Israel for years, it was hard to choose the age and time and itinerary that would achieve this effect. Continue reading

Share

A Peek into the Black and White World

From my blog:

I have Haredi cousins.

I did not know this until last Friday night, enjoying couch-conversation with one of said cousins before Shabbat dinner.

So many different types of Jews...

So many different types of Jews…

“So what do people in this neighborhood call themselves?” I asked, wondering (after seeing all the black hats and streimels) which sect of Ultra-Orthodoxy I had resigned myself to for Shabbat.

“Mostly Haredi,” she replied. “Some Hassidish and Chabad, but most people are Haredi.” She paused, then added, “I’m Haredi.”

What is “Haredi”? According to the Oxford University Press, Haredi is defined as: “a member of any of various Orthodox Jewish sects characterized by strict adherence to the traditional form of Jewish law and rejection of modern secular culture.” Therefore, I was very surprised to find out that my cousin works for Continue reading

Share

New Friendships

Talk to me, talk to me
Talk to me!
Fill me up with your stories, play me your life
Pour it into a tea-cup and let me drink deep
I, once content in my aloneness
Find myself craving the contact
Of an arm across my shoulder
A knee resting against my own
Take interest in me!
Take what I say or leave it only give me an ear and let me
Trade my poor pitiful stories for your own

Share

[Alumni Guest Post] Into This Breach – by Rabbi Joshua Ratner

rjrR. Joshua Ratner (Pardes Year ’98-’99) is the rabbi of Congregation Kol Ami in Cheshire, CT. Ordained by the Jewish Theological Seminary in May 2012, Rabbi Ratner was a Joseph Neubauer Fellow and also earned a Master’s Degree in Midrash and a Certificate in Pastoral Care. He also worked as an attorney for five years prior to entering rabbinical school. He has received training in congregation-based community organizing and was part of the original rabbinical student cohort of Rabbis Without Borders fellows. He and his wife, Dr. Elena Ratner, are the proud parents of Dimitri, Eli, and Gabriella.


“Dad, why did they have to die? Why couldn’t God have just injured them a little bit?” My boys and I were discussing this week’s parashah, Parashat Shmini, in which Aaron’s eldest sons, Nadav and Avihu, get vaporized by Divine fire after offering “alien fire” incense offerings to God (Vayikra 10:1-2). This episode of seemingly extreme, disproportionate punishment for an unclear violation has perplexed commentators for millenia. Continue reading

Share

My Ayeka Journey

Among the many blessings I have experienced this year is the Ayeka course facilitated by David Bogomolny.  I share here some of my favourite take-aways from the course (handily preserved in my writing exercises and reflections.)

This module was about bringing God back to the conversation.  I felt like it gave me a place to engage with my relationship with God and my beliefs in a spiritual way amidst a year of otherwise mostly intellectual pursuits.  I always manage to find my way back to faith and my relationship with God but in the Ayeka sessions, God was our starting point, not only the destination.

Session 4, on the conversation or hitbodedut, took place during the Pillar of Cloud preparations.  According to my reflections, hitbodedut at this time came as a welcome relief during a time of confusion, when I felt inarticulate and confused.  Here is what I wrote: Continue reading

Share

Love and a Pigeon

From my blog:

Ten Characteristics of a Good Pigeon Handler:

  1. The pigeon handler is moderate in his disposition. A reckless pigeon handler frightens the pigeons.
  2. The pigeon handler is loyal and responsible and carries out his tasks in an orderly and punctual fashion.
  3. 0The pigeon handler is kindhearted and cares for each and every pigeon.
  4. The pigeon handler is patient and devoted.
  5. The pigeon handler is tidy and attentive to cleanliness.
  6. The pigeon handler is strong-willed and maintains discipline over the pigeons.
  7. The pigeon handler is sensitive in observing and discerning the character and condition of each and every pigeon.
  8. The pigeon handler is industrious. There is always work to be done in the pigeon loft.
  9. The pigeon handler is considerate of others. Continue reading
Share